What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
