3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ugly people sure do ruin things
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
