Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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