I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
