I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
