i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
