Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
