I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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