Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
