I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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