you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
