I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They took my balls.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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