I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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