He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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