one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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