highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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