you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
