Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
