I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
