Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
