so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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