so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
