I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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