Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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