life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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