After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
