took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
