hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
