There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
