If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
