if i can run in heels then i can drive
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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