i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
