she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize