Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
