i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize