ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
