I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
