Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
