If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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