Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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