someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
