He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
