Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize