Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
