please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
MIDGETS
????
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
