Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
