He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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