Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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