oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
