I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
