you mean i was at the winter classic?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
