Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
