But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
