I look better un-naked...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
