I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
