She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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