Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize