Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I smell like Dick and happiness
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
