I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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