Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
