she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
