I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
