So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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