Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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