mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I touched a dick in church today
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
