what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
