if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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